Conquest of the Globes
by unqueenie the unready
Summary: It's been some time after the Battle of Hogwarts. Our protagonist is on an adventure promising unto you: idleness, lechery and exploration of the magical community! With no real sense of purpose nor direction, he ventures forth with his trusty Lieutenant, Hermione of the large 'Intellect' and (definitely not a harem) a crew to accompany him - onwards we go! !Smut -ish !Crack -fic


I own the plot and words I write with, not the characters nor the world that J K Rowling created.

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Harry stepped out of the ship. It had been a long and tiring journey but his mistresses had kept him sated and ready for the trip ahead. They had reached an island via their ship of an all-female crew and entourage except for of course the Harry Potter himself. They came to the sandy shore and found little that could sustain life, at the first glance anyway. However the greens did not look appetizing and the well seemed to be more of a swamp. A single bubble rose on the surface of the water and popped.

His Lieutenant, Hermione of the _Large_ Breasts, as she was known in their homeland, Albion came to and stood before him. He surreptitiously peeked down her endless cleavage as she narrowed her eyes at the swamp that had emitted that single bubble.

Hermione glared at this 'threat', a little too viciously for Harry's liking. He shuffled closer to her and took her by the waist narrowly avoiding her arse as his good judgement kicked in at the last moment. Her black, iridescent dragon-hide armour cut into his hand as he pulled her away, hopefully having avoided her ire. She hadn't reacted well to his surprise when she'd been showering a fortnight ago and he was certain that his peeking would not have gone unpunished either. But in this close proximity he could stare all he wanted. His hands shuffled down a little in preparation to cup her butt.

'Harry!'

'Shit.'

He jumped and Hermione jumped in unison as he accidently clapped her on one of her butt cheeks. Harry's heart rate went up a notch as he kept his hand exactly where it was and only pushed at it, feeling a glorious squishiness to it and leading the two of them towards the soldier who had called Harry's name. He broke out in cold sweat as he felt Hermione's stare on him.

Hermione wasn't impressed. She'd agreed to forgo her passion for magical creatures and their welfare to protect her lifelong friend and companion: the perverted idiot standing beside her. And his hand on her backside and glances to her chest was what she got. She shuffled on, letting him know with her stare to his face exactly what she was thinking of him right at that moment.

But he didn't seem to see her and was instead nonchalantly squinting into the sun in the direction of their vessel. The figure ahead waved. She waved back. Harry waved back, but not with his right hand that stood placed so firmly on her arse squeezing a little every now and then but with his left hand. Hermione's patience was wearing thin and he was on dangerous waters ever since the mission on sea of course but also since the shower incident when he'd walked clad only with a flimsy towel and 'found' her naked. Her suspicions were invoked when she'd seen the bulge in the towel. Of course, it could have been preparation for him as he'd planned to shower (she sniffed in disgust) and wank or it could have been any number of the reasons that currently occupied the ship ahead of them.

Speaking of one such reason, it seemed to be swaying. At least the two bags that swayed in a pendular motion appeared to. Harry's eyes, which were highly improved since his application of ritual magic widened. He then smiled. She looked at the figure again. Suddenly Harry's hand stroked her arse and slipped just under her breasts halting their movement. He was beaming.

It was their (honorary) Aunt Andromeda. Harry stopped walking as soon as that was clear. He wasn't going to miss this delectable sight; he'd wait for her to come to them. And he stopped Lieutenant of the Large Breasts for that sole reason too. He looked down at her for a moment, at her tits to be more precise and and then had her stand in front of him; he could still see, while he'd grown a good bit more after the battle of Hogwarts, Hermione's growth had been significantly more impressive, along with her lovely breasts. She stood at the height of his mouth.

Harry beamed as he betook the sight in front of him; her name was true to her endowments - it was Andromeda of the _Sizable_ Chest. She was running! The sizeable chest didn't fail to capture his eyes. She held a letter he noticed after a few minutes. He wondered how he'd missed that.

'My Lord, an owl has delivered for you!'

'Andromeda of the sizable che-cough, I mean you look beautiful!'

She smiled, 'My Lord, as I name you by your proper name, you should honour me too by calling me by mine.' She scolded him. Hermione smiled, it seemed some people followed set precedent after-

'Which i believe is: 'Andromeda of the Sizable Chest! Which is obviously true...' She raised her eyebrow in challenge to him, daring him to say otherwise. Which of course was not possible.

Harry could feel the redness coming off his Big Breasted Lieutenant, but he wasn't going to miss this for the world. Stepping forward, he met his his honorary aunt with his eyes and sid: 'Of course it's true, obviously.'

He stared at the sizable globes that stood in front of him, high and firm. He frowned. This was weird. In a good way. The material that Andromeda wore was dark and translucent. He could clearly see the outline of her hips and most pleasingly her dark bra, that encased her otherwise pendulous bosom, which he'd still of course love.

'What is it? Do you like my new robes?'

She lifted her breasts up, eliciting a snort of outrage from Hermione who strangely and rather amusingly pushed her own large rack into Harry's side. He did not hesitate to cup her arse again straying from under her breasts. He knew he'd pay for that later. But Andromeda was being dared by his Lieutenant! Well, Hermione... Which was even better! Thinking of her as his Lieutenant of large Breasts was simply more fun. But Andromeda was putting that into question.

'Want to feel it? It is very soft to touch', she intoned sagely.

She hefted her sizable rack, which make no mistake was bigger than his Lieutenants and ... brought it towards him? Had he been that good a Godfather to Teddy? he smiled at her. And her breasts.

Harry promptly let go of Hermione's ass and his hands disbelievingly crept towards his Aunt's rack. He slowed as he noticed his Black aunt's devious smile and knew that something was up. As her lips pouted he knew his time was running up and grabbed those tits haphazardly and split the robes using purely his arm strength. He pressed his face into them reaching a and suckling at it as he'd seen many times before with Teddy.

'Aargh!' was followed by, '- What on Earth do you think you're doing Harry James Potter?'

'Just checking that there's enough milk for Teddy.'

Andy had replaced Nymphadora as a mother figure for Teddy, and Harry had been instrumental in utilising the ritual magic that had allowed Andy to lactate again after so many years.

He carried on suckling his aunt, squeezing her fun bags occasionally, entirely aware that Hermione was watching him. Her opinion of him dropping further and further.

Hermione grimaced at the sight. Harry had now switched onto the other nipple to Andy's surprise, according to his own words, 'to even them out'.

'So have you found anything yet, Ms Granger of the Large Breasts?'

'...No. Nothing except for a barren sand and rather strange swamp-'

Harry had stood up again after his 'inspection'. 'Andy your milk is great! And we have found precisely nothing in the past 15 minutes - though you do have revitalising potion in your Sizable Chest.'

Andy smiled and said,'I exist to serve my Lord as much as I can with all my spirit, soul and body-'

Hermione interrupted tersely and indignantly cut in with, 'Yes thank you for clarifying that to our team-leader, who also happens to be my Lord, but in this expedition he is merely a group leader...'

Harry took Draco's old wand out and set Andy's robe out properly to cover her modesty - he was extremely lucky that they had gotten close during their research in the Black Library. It had by definition involved him taking her back into 'his family', because otherwise she'd have been an ordinary witch by the reckoning of her ancestors' family magic that guarded Grimmauld Place.

He kneeled looking up at his liege and her sizable tits - he waved his wand, and fixed the material of her robes knowing fully well that she could have done it herself.

Hermione sighed. She knew that they had indeed gotten close, but not this close. She'd wondered why she wasn't hearing any rumors of debauchery from the man who had aided in the defeat of Voldemort - and for a while she had truly been pleased that Harry had focused his entire attention on his Godson - he was taking responsibility unlike the red-headed twerp that she'd entertained as a potential boyfriends back in sixth year. She shuddered at the thought.

But she'd found Harry that same day massaging his aunt. She'd entered Grimmauld Place, calling Harry's name and hearing nothing. She'd entered the bedroom that was reserved for the Lord of the House of Black, knowing that Harry was obliged to use it and nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Andromeda wearing not a stitch on her body lying back against... Harry's chest, while he sat up on the head rest. He too was wearing nothing on himself and the effects of a woman sitting on his manhood was not visible, but by the way Andromeda was sitting on him and moaning, she could guess that he was very hard.

She'd been furious. And had wanted to break something. Luckily she had gotten a hold of herself and discreetly closed the door, applying some intense occlumency and calming herself down, compartmentalizing the fact that the only man that she could see becoming her husband at this time had his dick propped up against the arse a mature widow with sizable breasts and also a member of the Black family. She was positive that they didn't have sex. She'd seen whores at Hogwarts after getting freshly fucked and Andromeda had not made the same face. And Andy and herself had gotten close afterwards as she told her in excruciating detail of the process by which she was reinstated as a member of the Black household and how she'd been able to lactate again. The woman had, to Hermione's dismay been rather free and unabashed about detailing her experiences with Harry and her breasts. They'd gotten bigger apparently. Hermione had found that rather uplifting to know despite herself - she did have the larger breasts before that blasted Lactation ritual.

She looked at those breasts and still found a old want coming back to her. To have larger breasts. She quashed that thought and pulled a gropy Harry off Andromeda, saying. 'That's enough, you won't be doing that to Andy any more.'

Andromeda found stimulation to have gone- her dear Hermione had pulled her Lord off her breasts. She'd been enjoying that massage while Hermione had been internally monologuing. Presumably she'd been thinking about what to do for the mission. She pulled her robes over herself once more and with a more stately bearing - she smirked internally, it was how Harry would describe her breasts - she voices her thoughts to the young woman.

'Whatever are we to do, my dear?'

Hermione looked flustered as she held an uncooperative Harry, 'Well, first I'm going to read this letter...'

'Oh, of course! You must read that, it's from her Ladyship of the _Considerable_ Bust.'

'And remind me, exactly whom are we talking about?' She asked irritated.

'Oh! Her, she has those quite very ermm, considerable breasts. They are utterly great, Hermione. Trust me.'

And trust him she did.

'Oh I trust you', she snarled. These adjectives were so vague. She hoped they weren't bigger than hers, or at least Andromeda's for fuck's sake.

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Author's Note:

This Fanfiction is just a bit of fun for myself to write and relax. And I hope my readers will too. The plot will be there partly to hold the characters but also will be substantial.

It is quite obviously a crack-fic and as such parodies other fics' cliches and canon itself. This is to a lesser extent supposed to be humorous too.

I hope you enjoy the journey as much I do.

unqueenie.


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